61 things I learned from "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia"

1. if you were found in the trash then frank is your father
2. The reason we're in Iraq is to help the people of Israel get their oil back.
3. If you want to get laid at an abortion rally, your best bet is to choose pro-life.
4. Trust in God, and you will get some sweet-ass shoes.
5. Asians Love Gambling
6. All Black people are not related
7. Green man is saving your life right now, bro.
8. girls cant fight, they dont have muscles.
9. 2/3 of a Major is better than a whole Minor.
10. $250 does not guarantee sex.
11. You DO NOT approach Mac from behind.
12. You can find a good sword in the trash.
13. there is no welfare facebook
14. elmers glue doesn't get you high
15. Always destroy all of your Jihad tapes.
16. Peppa Jack loves Fraggle Rock.
17. Lupus is awesome.
18. A Clown Baby is a clown that is a baby, not a baby clown.
19. Israel has had some rough times recently, including "the tsunami" and "that Superdome thing."
20. No one is more respected than guys in prison.
21. If something sounds gay, always make sure to include the phrase "Nothing Sexual" twice to really get your point across.
22. The Hispanic baby market is really selling right now.
23. Of the gang, Dennis should die first because he's already had a Great Ride.
24. If you write a will, you need to kill the person who has the most to gain from it before he kills you.
25. If anything scares gays and black people, it's Irish crap.
26. Street performing is the last truly organic art form.
27. You can always win over hippies by offering them pot.
28. If you have a chainsaw and a camera, take a picture.
29. Mac is not into the whole condom thing.
30. Vietnamese music sounds like whales raping eachother
31. The word "diaphragm" can mean more than just the...you know...(gestures toward crotch)
32. All corporate buildings are equipped with either helicopter landing pads or escape tunnel systems.
33. Drifting leads to bickering which leads to karate.
34. You have to get drunk INSIDE a club to become famous for being a dirty, drunken whore.
35. We should only have yellow traffic lights.
36. A grilled Charlie does NOT have peanut butter on the inside!
37. If your on an ex-convict's hit list, just rip your name off.
38. Jockeys can talk.
39. Don't snort cocaine; that's how you get addicted. Rub it against your gums instead.
40. No matter how they do things in Israel, in America you can't just take somebody's land.
41. You should always sing "More than Words" a cappella after blowing up a building.
42. You can't just call dibs on a shady people smuggler.
43. If you put a stereo into a plastic bag, you have a shower radio.
44. In order to properly ground yourself when working on a fuse panel, you must be hanging from a harness.
45. The streets are flooded with the ejaculate of the homeless.
46. Just because you don't see Charlie washing his testicles, doesn't mean he doesn't do it every Friday.
47. You should know if the guy you're sharing a bed with is your father
48. Working out shirtless with a fake mustache at a playground, will prove that you're not a convicted child molester
49. Computers are for losers
50. Senator Hilary Rodham Clinton hates freedom.
51. In Job Land, jobs grow on jobbies.
52. Cocaine is weightless
53: Eating people takes dedication and thus, is awesome
54. It's not the 50s anymore, the kids aren't bopping anymore, they're banging each other and doing meth before they hit grade school.
55. Chicks want guys that wear tight pants and tattered clothing and spit blood, not guys dressed like waiters who name themselves after desserts.
56. Interns in politics cut limes, stock glasses, and serve drinks.
57. You have to be a real low-life piece of sh*t to get involved in politics.
58. A woman in politics is like a donkey doing calculus.
59. You cannot just break off a piece of an exoskeleton.
60. The first part of Night Man is kinda cool, but the second part sounds like a song where a man breaks into your house and rapes you.
61. We should only have yellow traffic lights, because then we could be very cautious, but not get stuck in traffic.

Can anyone think of anything else?